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2019-01-08 22:14:54 (UTC)

Just done..

I can't sleep.. I took a sleeping pill and hoping for it to kick in soon.

I spoke to the Dom B tonight and after so much frustration I just said I can't do this anymore and left the conversation. I refuse to settle for less than I deserve anymore. What I want matters. He read my text and didn't respond so.. I'm done trying to explain myself. I don't think I am going to see him Friday because I am not giving a big part of me to get back less than I give. Fuck that. He's a good guy but after I have brought this situation up multiple times and he vows changes and says how desperately he wants us to work and promises to make an effort it still remains I realize it's not a priority to him. I am not a priority.. It is to me. So I am done talking tonight and I will not answer tomorrow either when he messages me. He can enjoy his business trip and leave me be. I am just fucking done with putting myself out there. I don't see any changes happening before Friday so I am not opening myself up only to get half effort on his part. I am worth more.

I'll just go to Vegas and have fun and leave everything and everyone behind and honestly not give a damn because really who's giving a damn what's important to me. All that's important is their own needs and their own agendas and what's important to them.

I am angry and frustrated and hurt and I hope to fall asleep soon.