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The Life Of "Mars".
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2018-12-28 11:51:35 (UTC)

A Review Of 2018

Saturday December 29th

I'm going camping with Ian and his dad for new years, so while I've got the time I'm going to try and write.

I can't bring myself to say that 2018 was a bad year in the least, sure it had quite a few downs especially recently but it has been overally alright I'd say.

I fell out of contact with almost everyone who I knew in real life. Shane, Hayley, Jess, Laura, Kayla, Lillie, Kahlos. I didn't see Tyler in person at all this year but I spoke with him over the mic on PlayStation. Same goes for Callum and Liam. I spoke to my sister occasionally just for the sake of keeping contact with family. I didn't see any of the kids I would occasionally see around either. Mostly because I hardly went outside. Socially, I mean. Hell the only other friend I saw besides Ian was Ben, and I think we only meet up a few number of times.

But, it's not all bad. I became pretty close with a few of my online friends. Mine and Brandi's friendship pretty much stayed how it's always been. Good and strong. Sometimes we'd take a few days to text back if we were busy or didn't feel like talking, but otherwise we'd send at least one message a day to each other.

I learned a lot more about James, and I also opened up to him about some stuff with my mom and her Skizofrenia. Same goes for William.

I haven't quite opened up to Eric a whole lot yet, mostly because whenever our conversations go in that kind of direction it's usually me trying to either listen or give advice. He's a good friend as well.

Jay is pretty new to our group, and he's a bit younger then the rest of us since he only turned fifteen recently but he's cool. He can be a little over talkative sometimes, but he's a good kind caring kid. I'm glad he found his way into our group.

Gats, Danny and Unflip are people I wouldn't really consider friends but they're definitely cool people who I've hung out with a bit recently.

Ian is probably the best friend I've ever had. We've had a few arguments where we got annoyed at each other but they were never anything serious and never went on for more then half an hour. I'm lucky to have him. While him buying me stuff is nice and all, and I especially appreciate it when it's stuff that I didn't even ask for, just stuff he thought I might want or stuff I brought up months or weeks ago that I wanted, I appreciate that he is genuinely there for me.

I haven't opened up to anyone in real life about my mom and her Skizofrenia since Hayley. It's usually always a difficult thing for me to talk about. How it's effected her and me. I couldn't even look at him when I was talking to him. But he was there, listening and genuinely paying attention. He didn't hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay or feel bad for me, I wouldn't of wanted him to do that anyway. I just wanted him to listen, to understand, and he did. He is truly somebody I should treasure and the type of friend the comes one in a million.

When I talked to Hayley not too long ago, she told me that her and Shane had been wondering where I had been. It made me feel, kind of happy. That there were people worried and wondering about me. That there are people who care, I guess.

I don't regret not going out and being social, it was pretty slothful of me but sitting around all year doing close to nothing was really nice.

It gave me a lot of time to think, and self reflect. I wasn't as mature as I thought I was last year, or the year before that. Next year I'll probably look back and think the same thing.

I was able to think about what I want out of life, what I don't want. Who I want to be and what I want others to think of me.

I was able to realize why I might act the way I do sometimes, and ways I can try and improve on the flaws I have.

I didn't edit nearly as much, in fact I think I only made about three edits. I attemptted to make a few but kept getting burnt out on it.

I picked up a hobby of just collecting random photos I think look cool and organizing them into folders on my phone (and yeah some of those photos are porn).

I picked up reading again, I haven't been into reading since I was thirteen and I'm so happy I got back into it.

While some of my humor is still pretty dark sometimes, I've realized a lot of the stuff I used to joke about really wasn't that funny and I was just being edgy for the sake of being edgy.

While I think I've definitely become a bit more shy due to the lack of any real social interaction I've had this year, I think I've become a lot more aware of who I am.

I've still got a lot of improvements to make, there's a lot of things I could probably better about myself. But, that's what a part of life is about. Self improvement. Striving to be better then what you already are. Well, I think that should be a part at least.

To anyone who might be reading this, I genuinely hope your year has been good.

Peace,
Mars