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The Life Of "Mars".
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2018-12-23 23:32:24 (UTC)

It's Christmas Eve and I feel nothing

Monday December 24th

It's Christmas Eve and I feel nothing. I don't feel any excitement or anything for it. I mean, I haven't really been excited for it for the past few years but I'd always at least think, "Oh hey it's Christmas tomorrow cool." I didn't even realize it was Christmas Eve today.

Growing up I used to be so excited over Christmas I couldn't sleep, and when I was pretty young I could almost never help but to peak through the wrapping paper to check out what kind of gifts I got. Being in a lower income family and all I never really got anything too spectacular but I was still happy over everything I got, even clothes. Well I probably would of been upset if they were just socks, usually they were some type of shirt with some crazy design on it.

As I grew older into my teens I don't even remember if I got things for Christmas. I know if I did it was just some type of game and I was always content with that. My mom eventually stopped making me wait to get it on Christmas and just let me have it around the Christmas time.

This year I just got four books from my mom, which I'm completely fine with. Only two have actually arrived so far but I'm okay with that. I haven't even actually started reading them yet. They're all from the Konosuba series.

Side note about life recently, the dogs in my neighborhood have been barking alot recently. I honestly have no idea why. Even Jimi will sometimes bark as well when the other dogs do. I've only been living here for about two almost three years but this is the first time this has happened. Kinda weird, kinda annoying.

Anyway, I haven't read any of the new books I got is because I've been reading Re Zero. Arc 4 which I'm on, has 130 chapters and I think I'm now on 111-113. I can't quite remember. It's getting pretty good, I mean I've pretty much enjoyed every single chapter and haven't felt any of it to be boring so far but it's especially good right now. I'll likely start reading the books once I'm done with Arc 4. Hopefully I'll be able to find good translations for Arc 5 and onwards.

I've been playing a bit of Red Dead Redemption online with my buddies. I'd say I'm pretty good but there's way better players then me still right now. Like my buddy Eric, he's really good and drops MVP pretty much every game. I'm still only level 27. I mostly just hunt and I literally almost never start fights on that game. I dunno, it's just a game I like to chill and hunt on more then anything. I've still been playing For Honor as well.

Life has been, not exactly great. Hell it's hardly ever great recently. Just mixes of okay and bad. I've mostly tried to avoid and stop talking to my mom, and whenever she does say something to me I try and keep it to one worded answers. We got into an argument the other day and she hit me across the face. I don't think it was a slap, but it wasn't a punch either. It was hard enough that my face stung for about an hour though. Anyway I got kind of pissed after that and shoved her away from me and told her if she ever hits me again I'm going to slap the shit out of her. I otherwise managed to keep my cool. I went back to my room angry and all, but I wasn't super pissed or anything. I literally just sat back down and played with my buddies on Red Dead. It sort of annoys me when she tries to act nice afterwards like nothing happened.

I'm not exactly for or against the mindset of hitting girls, and I really don't like the idea of hitting your mom. But I don't think you should ever hit somebody you care about, or who you're supposed to care about at least. I could take being slapped if I said or did some dumb shit, really I could. But when it's me trying to tell her that what's she doing is upsetting to me, and she yells and hits me for it. Well, that's where I draw the line.

I think you're a trash person, man or woman if you hit your partner because you're upset over an argument or, even worse, just because you're a sadistic piece of shit. Really, I do. But I also think that if anyone hits you, you've got a right to defend yourself. Maybe I'm trash too for not showing more restraint and will power. I dunno.

I tried going to bed during the afternoon so I could wake up between 10pm-1am but I ended up feeling exhausted and slept until 4am. I'll probably try and go to sleep early again.