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The Life Of "Mars".
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2018-12-18 13:25:46 (UTC)

Rekindle

Wednesday December 19th

Christmas is right around the corner and I can honestly say I'm not excited for it at all. I'm not saying I dislike Christmas or anything, I think it's cool. I just haven't really celebrated Christmas for the past few years. Hell I don't even care about gifts anymore. This year my mom just brought me some books and I was completely happy with that. Ian brought me a nendoroid figurine of Darkness from Konosuba too and I'm really thankful for that. Especially considering I can't get him anything, yknow, with me being a jobless bum and all. The books and the figurine are both set to arrive in early January though.

I ended up finishing Neon Genesis Evangelion and it was really good. What made me want to watch it was that I heard it was one of the first animes to try and take a more darker and mature theme to it, and usually those are my kind of shows. At first I liked it but I didn't think it was all that, hell I even thought it was a bit overrated. But as it progressed to around the 14 episode mark it got really good.

A lot of people pick on the main character Shinii, calling him a pussy and what not, but I think for a fourteen years old introverted kid his reaction to everything is pretty reasonable.

The ending made me kind of sad, well the TV one just left me really confused. But the movie, which most people consider canon and the "true" ending to the series was a little confusing at first but ultimately I liked it. It was sad though, considering that pretty much everyone died in the end. Although, I guess they do have the option to come back to life if they want to. I really liked the song that played during the movie too.

I posted a photo to my personal Instagram for the first time since around February, the caption basically just said "sorry I haven't kept in contact with anyone, hope y'all are doing swell." Hayley ended up commenting on it saying I should message her.

I was hesitant at first, and honestly debated if I should or not. It's not that I didn't want to, but texting people who I knew from real life genuinely seems hard at this point. I say real life because I have no problem texting back and forth with some of my online buddies.

But I messaged her and we talked for awhile. She said she missed me and that her and Shane were wondering what the hell happened to me. Considering I went silent on literally everyone I was friends with besides Ian. I told her the truth, that basically I had just kind of lost my social battery and found constantly talking and keeping up with people to be tiring. Eventually whenever I felt that battery to be recharged I kind of felt too awkward to message anybody, for some odd reason. She said she had considered messaging me, but because I had ignored some of her past messages she thought she'd just annoy me. I'm not gonna say she would of annoyed me, but back then I don't know if I would of replied.

She told me some stuff that had been going on with her, got a boyfriend, broke up with him. She said she was seeing someone else as well but he was probably going to move to Auckland. She also said she's not friends with any of the girls I used to know. Shania, Maddi, Lauren, Laura, Katlyin, Jess. Laura because me and her made out and the damage was too much I guess. Appreantly Shania talked shit about Hayley to Maddi Lauren and Katlyin. Jess and her just grew apart. I dunno if she's still friends with the other Jess or Ella. She's got some new friends though and they seem really close, so I'm glad she's got people she can rely on. The friend she showed me is cute as well. Like woah.

We agreed we should probably meet up sometime in January. She's busy for the rest of December I guess, probably with Christmas or whatever. And I just basically said that just getting used to texting again feels draining enough, little alone going out into public to hang out. As fucking dumb as that sounds.

Mark said I should set tiny goals for myself, and I think I have a fair idea on what some of them should be. They're not gonna be in exact order but,
1. Secure some type of stable income, a job or a benefit for attending education course.
2. Get my license. I don't gotta start driving or anything, especially considering you can't drive by yourself with the starting license anyway.
3. Be social again, actually go out. For most of my teenage life I was pretty withdrawn and didn't go out, with my mom's circumstances and all. Last year was the most I actually went out and did shit. It was fun, but I think after awhile I found it draining. Which led to my withdrawal this year. I reckon maybe somehow going out once a week would be good.
4. Move out. I'm so lucky to have Ian and Mark supporting me with this, and having Ian able to move out with me is a great morale boost. I love my mom, but she stresses me out too much now that I can't live here anymore. I know it'll be hard, having to pay for shit like the internet, rent and the other kinds of bills like water and power, but hell I'll take it.

I also managed to catch up on all the episodes of Goblin Slayer I missed. I really like it, if the anime finishes on twelve episodes I might try and read the light novel it's based on. I have a feeling something bad is going to happen though. It's on episode ten, and it looks like some goblins are going to attack the farm. I have a feeling his childhood friend is gonna die or be badly hurt.

I'm watching another anime right now too. It's called Grimgar. It's only got twelve episodes too so I'll probably finish it by tomorrow. The art is really good as well.

I played games a fair bit back when I was in school, so maybe I'm over thinking it but I might play multiplayer games less next year. Considering I'll be busy with course or work, or both maybe. And then I wanna read and watch shows and hell I might even pick up other hobbies I dunno. Sometimes I get pretty annoyed at For Honor, but I've had all the time to do other things so me being annoyed for a bit wasn't that bad. But considering i won't be as free probably I don't really wanna spend my free time being annoyed. I dunno, we'll see what happens.