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2018-12-17 20:06:34 (UTC)

So i survived my sixteen hour ..

So i survived my sixteen hour day of working on Saturday. But incidences pass which I don't wish to divulge in here. But only I can comprehend the mental anguish which I suffered that, because of what occurred, there now appears to be a fork in the road. And it is more than likely that I am to leave s. after having worked there for a little over a year. If that's the case, I wll be back working at **, but this time on AM shift instead of PM or NOC. For some reason I am drawn to the idea of working 6:30AM to 3PM. At once I imagine myself waking up at the crack of dawn and driving to work early in the morning when the day is crisp and coming home mid-afternoon, and having the rest of the day's hours to myself, doing what I please. Indeed, the schedule attracts me. And not to mention that ** is closer, and in the neighborhood of Hillcrest which I love. I begin to imagine myself stopping by at Whole Foods, Ralph's, or walking at Balboa park after work. Or stopping by at E.L.'s. Which reminds me...E.L. is back from Guadalajara since last night. I sent him a text message this morning inquiring if S. and I can stop by this afternoon after his appointment with his psychiatrist. I'm quite excited to see him. I haven't seen him in two weeks. Anyhow, to talk more about the pros of working AM shift at **. Indeed, I would be able to see father and mother more and be with S. more. Also to think about me being able to cook dinner, and go out to dinner with friends. And also since I usually find myself heavy headed in the morning, having to go to work instantly within the hour perhaps, would give me that jolt, that drive, that coercion, the sense that I must get started, that the day must begin. And also I don't feel sorry having to leave s. either. C.P. with her hunger for control and power which she can have in a trivial and deteriorating institution. J.L. can keep carrying on the bitterness rotting in his bosom. Though I will miss A.A. and S.A. I think. But so much about work. What about my personal life? I made chicken noodle soup from scratch for dinner last night which took a couple hours or so. I boiled a whole chicken in a bone broth which I myself have prepared days before from chicken bone scraps that I boiled and simmered in water. Father and mother were home last night as I cooked. Somehow, even as we sat and moved about quietly in the apartment, our presence as we were there, here, together, was assuring enough, comforting enough. Ms. Universe was on on TV as I was preparing my chicken noodle soup. Ms. Philippines won to our glee and delight. Mother moved about from their bedroom to the living room, doing laundry, folding, ironing and trying on clothes. At one point, she came out from the bedroom asking our opinions on a sweater she was wearing. "It looks nice on you," I told her. "That was C.'s," father said, "she wore that in Vegas." C. was mother's late younger sister who died four, five years ago. Personally I wouldn't wear a dead person's clothing, but I did not voice my opinion on the matter. Father sat in the living room, in the dining room, looking at his phone, calling his brother from Washington. There seems so much to talk about; it feels. But I cannot catch the deluge of impressions and details of the last few days, and must accept that it is so, and thus those details and impressions, peculiar, precious and trivial as they were, will remain unrecorded, and perhaps forgotten too. There seems to be so much going on at this season of my life. Surely, life is, indeed, filled to the brim. And I suppose I can admit to say that I am quite happy. It is now 12:40 PM to be exact. Father and mother are out. They said they were going to pick up mother's check at S.B., or they could be at the casino, though I don't mind. They could be anywhere. As long as they are occupied, doing things, and as long as they seem to me happy. Anyhow, as for today, I am to pick up my online order at Macy's. Then to Sephora or Ulta Beauty for S.A.'s gift. I am to attend her party tonight at North Park at eight. We plan on going bar hopping after. I called in sick today, and perhaps tomorrow too. I want to use my paid sick leave which I have about 40 hours. I'm skipping the gym for I have a bit of a cough. I am taking father's promethazine with codeine for it. So to shower and get moving.