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2018-11-29 06:27:48 (UTC)

Nov. 29th

Got to N.C. about 4:30ish. Unpacked; had enough time to get ready for dinner. Wore striped turtleneck sweater from ten years ago, which still fits me well. And the tight black jeans from decade ago and the height-increasing black boots from years ago...as I write this I am reminded how I need a new wardrobe. But what with pecuniary difficulties... I need my tooth fixed; need new scrubs; get my citizenship processed, etc., etc. Went over to E.’s and got there at 5:30ish. He was changing strings in his guitar. L. a rambunctious dog; possessive too, though he’s fond of me. E.’s house spacious but a mess. It contains somehow an energy I can’t put my finger in, but I dislike it. This needs more pondering. M. arrived at 6, sneezing at the door. L. barked at him. E. thinks that L. is biased towards men and likes women better, indiscriminately somehow referring how he likes me, as if I am truly a woman in his eyes. M. the same. Just got back from traveling to Chicago and his hometown in Minnesota. Reiterated the wealth of his father. He got a message earlier today about him receiving 85 grand from his father. M. surprised and awed, even wrote a letter to his father, though, as it turns out, the document was meant for a tax show, and M. not really receiving even a penny. This he talked about over dinner. Went to K.P. in Hillcrest per my recommendation. M. saw his bald Latino friend who had been working as a server there for years. Hillcrest a dead town, with few pedestrians on the sidewalk. Weather cold. Several homeless people in the streets. New restaurants open which we believe won’t last six months. I had Merlot over my vegetarian sampler for dinner. M. had chicken kebob. What did E. have? E. the usual, a single mind; simpleton. I think him rather stupid. Does not know the word progeny when I used it in a sentence. M. says that his roommates R. and G. would be homeless too if it were not for him helping them out. M. looking for a new place. G. a big stoner; M. said. Over dinner, I talked at some point about my busy sex life, which bothered E. “I look at you differently when you talk like that,” he said. The truth is, I don’t care whatever he thinks of me now. The longer we are separated the less I rely on him in all areas of my existence. He let me pay for his dinner since he looked after S. M. left a much more substantial tip for his friend. So to E.’s home— by the way, E. drive his car. M. left. I left ten minutes after him.
Getting to E.’s, we saw the AirBnB guest with her dog by the gate. E. made a small talk. At the restaurant, E. called M.’s friend’s name— I forgot what— the server. I cringed for its impropriety.
E. irritated by L.’s rambunctiousness. E. cantankerous, has little tolerance for anything. I wa rather annoyed by it. It reinforced rather the goodness of my decision not living with him any longer. “Let L. be a puppy,” I told him. “I know how to raise my puppy,” he said, “don’t tell me how to raise my puppy.” Then I bid goodbye, carrying S. in my arms, happy to be going home at my own apartment.