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The Life Of "Mars".
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Ad 2:

2018-11-22 12:19:25 (UTC)

One More Push

I need to get out of here. I don't want to live here with her anymore. Iove my mom but she is beyond what I can handle at this point. I'm angry. I'm really, really fucking angry I want to break something I want to hurt something I want to fucking kill something I can't fucking stand her anymore she's so fucking crazy I don't even want to be associated with her anymore.

She takes my appearance of calmness as weakness I can tell she has to take it as weakness. Whenever I've gotten mad at her she's shut the fuck up but now that I've learnt to get a hold on my anger she takes it as weakness.

No matter how calm and polite I am she looks at me with these crazed fucking eyes like she's going to attack me at any second. I need out. I don't feel safe here. I shouldn't have to worry that one day my mom is going to freak out and go berserk on me. I shouldn't worry that one day a voice in her head will tell her to hurt me.

I'm being selfish. I know. But I don't care. I need out i need out j need to get the fuck out of here I can't stand this place anymore I haven't felt this angry in years my head is pounding with rage and every fiber of me being is telling me to attack her the next time I see her. Of course I won't but the urge the desire the aboslute greed to hurt her is there and I don't know what else to say or do.

December, I'll go to this meeting about my benefit and January I'll likely get it. Then I'm going to try and get the fuck out of this place because I'm going to go berserk soon I'm at my limit and if I don't get out of this birdcage soon I'm going to do something I regret I don't want her in my life I don't care if she has to suffer and be alone without me here I can't tolerate her any longer