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The Life Of "Mars".
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2018-11-20 14:08:36 (UTC)


Wednesday November 21st

I've been listening to Flatsound a lot again recently. I listened to him a lot when I was depressed back in 2016 so it sort of brings back memories from then, but I don't mind too much because I really enjoy his music.

I'm a little unsure of my future, I probably shouldn't dwell on it too much but I've been thinking about it a bit again.

On one side I'm pretty excited. Mostly because I'll start getting money and being able to buy stuff. I want to buy books, stuff to make my room look the way I want, some clothes and a Nintendo DS for Pokemon. Even though I've kind of devolved some kind of anxiety when it comes to talking to people, I still want to kind of talk to more people again rather then being the shut in I've been for this past year.

On the other hand I'm anxious about this meeting in December. I'm mostly fine with going to a course, or even a job of some sort. I mean, I don't really even have a choice in the matter but I'm fine with these options. But I want to do a course I want, and I'm not entirely sure what kind of options there really are for me. I don't know if me dropping out and only getting NCEA Level 1 is going to effect me massively or not. I stand by wanting to do something with psychology. Or a social worker or something along those lines. That stuff is what interests me. I've seen possible courses for graphic design and video editing. I already know how to edit videos reasonbly well so that would be fine, but I don't have a real interest for it. Plus, when I took computer studies back at high school staring at a computer screen with a bunch of other computer screens in the background really hurt my head. But this meeting is supposed to help me find something suitable, I think. I hope I won't come off as too picky with him, because I'm otherwise kind of stumped on what I'd find acceptable.

I don't think I'd be too fussy on what kind of job I'd want. Well, maybe that's a lie. I don't want to work as a cashier or take people's orders at any food places. I wouldn't want to work in customer services and I wouldn't want to be a waiter. That's about it. I don't think I'd want to sit at a computer all day every day either.

I want to get back into Pokemon again. Every few years for a few months I'll usually randomly get into it for some reason. I used to really like it as a kid. I've downloaded a few emulators on my phone in the past but eventually when my phone started to run out of space I deleted it and my save. I don't want to have to do that so I wanna eventually get a DS or something. I don't really want to play any of the new ones though. I don't really like the look of them. I'd wanna play Silver/Gold and their remixes. Same with Red/Blue. Ruby/Sapphire. I've never played anything past that but Diamond/Pearl looks cool.

Actually the phone that I'm using now I've had since the start of the year and I'm surprised I haven't run out of memory yet. Especially since I've got thousands of photos saved. Usually with my past phones once I hit the hundreds I'd start to lose space. The fact that I'm using Discord instead of Kik probably helps as well, considering that Kik saves the chats you have to your phone which surprisingly takes up a bit of space. Discord saves it online so it's there even if you delete the app. It's pretty handy.

I want to list of some of the stuff I wanna eventually buy, because why not. First of all there's stuff for my room.

First of all I want to get a new set of draws. I've had these ones since I was little. There's nothing really too wrong with them but they've got a bunch of left over stickers on them that I put when I was like six. You can't see them from my bed but you can when you first walk in my room and it kind of annoys me.

I'd probably want some posters of sorts, or something to decorate my wall. I've got a old Japanese style poster of a wave on my left closet door. On the right one is a Assassin's Creed Origins poster. I don't really like having the Assassin's Creed poster there because it's a map from the game. I don't really know why I hung it up in the first place but honestly at this point taking it down and having nothing there would feel too bland for me. So I'd like something to replace it. I dunno what I'd get though. I've got a black bandana and a painting of Venice Italy on my wall as well.

Maybe I'm being a bit materialistic here considering I can just watch some of these online but I'd like to buy a bunch of DvDs eventually. I already own two sets of The Walking Dead DvDs. Season 6 & 7. So I'd kind of like to get the rest. I'd wanna get DvDs for Re Zero and Konosuba as well. Maybe some movies even. Although I honestly don't watch a lot of movies and I've got a Netflix account so maybe there's no real point.

I obviously want to buy more books. More specifically Konosuba and Re Zero. I saved a few other books that I thought were interesting to my Wishlist on Book Depositry so I'll definitely get to them at some point. I want to buy the manga for Berserk and Tokyo Ghoul as well. Hell maybe even the one for Konosuba. Although owning the novel and the manga for one series might be a bit much.

The real nerdy part of me wants to buy more nendoroid figurines. Specifically the one for Darkness. I found a website that everyone says is reliable so it's really just a matter of being able to afford it.

I haven't really cared too much about fashion this year mostly because I've barely been out so me only having a few outfits isn't that bothersome. My overall aesthetic hasn't really changed much either except I don't nearly wear my white bandana as much as I used to. I'd probably stick with the same type of shoes unless there's a pair that specifically needed to be with an outfit. So far I'd say my black canvas ones work well enough. I got a sweater near the start of the year and it ended up being one of my favorite things so I'll probably try and maybe get some more. Hell, I'll probably even buy some clothes for laughs. Like an ahegao one.

Anyway it's almost 4am so I'm going to sleep now.