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The Life Of "Mars".
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2018-11-04 15:15:42 (UTC)

Silence

Monday November 5th

I've still been reading Re Zero nightly and I've really been enjoying it. I've usually managed to read almost non stop for about three-five hours a night. Of course I'll usually have a break of browsing Instagram or something like that for around five minutes. I'm at Arc 4 Chapter 50. Subaru has died three times while in this loop and it's been getting to him, obviously. However he's learnt a few important things. But he's also gotten more questions then answers as well.

My buddy Eric gameshared Red Dead Redemption 2 to me last night before I went to sleep, but even though it's about to be a full day since I started downloading it, it hasn't finished yet. My internet is usually pretty good as well so I'm a bit confused. Sure it's a massive download. 92GB to be exact. But despite me keeping my console in rest mode which usually speeds up the process it's still taken forever. The biggest download I've ever done was roughly around 60GB and I downloaded that within about 10 hours when my internet wasn't as good as it is now. I dunno. Either way I'm grateful.

It's 4:23AM right now and for roughly the past hour I've been getting kind of annoyed and I'm starting to think I shouldn't be feeling this way. I like my space, I really do. But I'm genuinely feeling pissed off at just hearing my mom on the other side of the house open a door or the sound of her putting a plate down. Like it makes my back go all stiff and I feel beyond annoyed and I already knew that probably wasn't very normal but now I'm almost concerned. It's a fairly recent thing that's only showed up maybe a month or so ago but sometimes just hearing the smallest noises are putting me off. The sound of birds chirping. The sounds of a TV in the background, everything. I just really, really want silence for some reason. Well, not entirely. I mean I'm fine with whatever sound I make or sound that's a result of something I make but otherwise it'll usually annoy me. Not all the time or anything, just more when I'm trying to rest or have time to myself. The middle of the day I'm completely fine with it. It's weird I know. It's more like, I want total seclusion from everyone and everything. I think might be a better way to describe it. And hearing different sounds I feel in weird way is an intrusion on some type of private space. I might try and research this later and see if there's any direct reason why I've recently been feeling like this.

One thing I forgot to mention, although I think it's usually party to me being tired is the sound that our chickens make early in the morning. For whatever reason they're usually exceptionally loud and even though I like looking at them occasionally watching em in the backyard I instantly get the desire to get up and go kick one. I've even had the fleeting idea that I want to stab one to make it shut the hell up. I think it's pretty sick. I've never once had the desire to kill any animal, well besides something like a spider thats wandered onto my bed. But whenever they're that loud, which happens to be almost every morning I can't help but wanna hurt them. Of course I don't think I would and I haven't actually gotten out of bed to even do anything to them at this point, but the twisted desire is still there. I'm not really too fond of the chickens to begin with. I don't hate them or anything but with how they've tried to attack Jimi I don't particularly love them either.

On one last side note, unless I become unbearably tired in the next few hours I'll be going into actually properly get a bank account. Since I'll need one for next year. I don't have a scheduled appointment or anything, and I haven't been blowing it off or anything since my mom only brought it up to me Friday, but eh I don't know.

Peace,
-Mars