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The Life Of "Mars".
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2018-10-20 13:00:34 (UTC)

10-21-2018

Sunday October 21st

I've been woken up about four or five days in a row now by my mom, and I'm truly on the edge of having some type of breakdown to where I lose my shit.

I was actually pretty calm about it this morning when I got woken up, I simply walked out and asked her pretty fucking damn politely to stop. "Oh my God, hey can you please not? I'm tryna sleep and you've woken me up again." Yeah the approach of being calm didn't work. She got more mad then the other times where I wasn't polite and told her to quit. She motioned to fucking hit me or some shit and then turned out and so me being threatened I got pissed and told her to fuck off. As she went down the hall way and turned the corner I heard a loud bang. When I tried to go back to sleep I heard her yelling from her room. I couldn't make out what she was saying but it was definitely some crazy shit. So I got pissed and yelled out to her to shut the fuck up.

I'm honestly at my breaking point I think that something bad is going to happen either tomorrow or on Monday. I don't know what. But I'm almost certain of it.

I laid in bed feeling really damn annoyed and tired. I mean come on I still don't think there's a reason for me to be consistently woken up at 6am when I don't even have anything to be awake for. She's just being inconsiderate. I felt like crying for a moment but I'll be damned if I start crying over her getting on my damn nerves. I like to think it was just a result of me being beyond exhausted physically and mentally.

I tried to think of Konosuba and stuff because that series makes me feel like happy. Then I kind of went into the whole escapism thing and thought about how I'd like to be in that universe. It kind of made me sad as well, in a weird way.

I've decided I don't want to live her for a whole lot longer. I want to move out sometime next year. Of course I'll have to get some source of stable income, but shit if I can I will. I'm fine with getting pretty much any job besides working at either a waiter or someone who takes people's orders at a fast food place. I don't think I could deal with that much social interaction with strangers all the time.

My plan is when Ian gets back from camp with his family on Monday I'm going to ask him how he'd feel about trying to flat together in a place. I mean I'm sure he'd be down because he was going to with Callum at some point before Callum ended up moving. Plus I know I could handle living with him because we pretty much already do. I don't really know the first thing about moving out. I'd like to move to a place where I have to bring my own stuff, as weird as that might sound. Like, I like my TV, bed, shelves etc. There's also the matter of having internet. I've got fiber and my PlayStation wired up so I'd like to have that as well. Cable TV or anything like that I don't care about because whenever I do have random stuff playing as background noise it's YouTube. The place doesn't have to be fancy or whatever either. Honestly as long as I'm able to keep it clean, has an okay amount of space and isn't too far from town I'm fine with whatever.

I don't think I mentioned this is any of my recent entries but my Emilia from Re Zero nendoroid arrived the other day. Same with a Japanese style poster of these waves. They're both pretty cool.

I've still been playing For Honor. I got my Peacekeeper up to rep 10. I'm working on getting my Shugoki up to rep 5. Once I do that I'll try and learn how to play Nobushi, although I've heard she's difficult to use. I like her aesthetic though, so I wanna at least try. I've already practiced some of her basic combos.

I watched a little bit of Re Zero before just because I felt like it. More just the one scene where Subaru breaks down in front of Rem and she cheers him up and confesses her love for him. Honestly I love that scene so much. I've rematched it quite a few times to say and I ain't even embarrassed about it. The whole thing with someone totally and completely breaking down emotionally, only to be comforted and cared for is real touching to me. Honestly if it wasn't for Rem doing that Subaru would of never been able to become a stronger person.

I also watched another episode of The Time I Was Reincarnated As A Slime. It was pretty fucking funny. The first episode to me was kind eh, the second one I liked but I was actually laughing like a lot this episode.

I'm watching another anime right now too. It's called Dog & Scissors.. or Scissors & Dog. It's one or the other. It's pretty much a comedy and I'm enjoying it so far.

It's 2AM and I'm debating if I should either go to sleep, watch TV or try and get back online and play For Honor. I played it pretty late last night and just found myself getting annoyed because I was really tired.. (and because the enemy team was running away from me.)

Oh, and I've now hid one of the things my mom has been using to clean in my room for now because I really can't handle being woken up again.

Peace,
-Mars