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The Life Of "Mars".
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2018-10-10 16:22:55 (UTC)


Thursday, October 11th

It's been a pretty long time since I've wrote an entry on here, I'll try my best to say what's been going on in my life as best as I can remember at 5AM, although if I'm being honest my life hasn't been all that interesting last year.

Last year I went out to a lot of parties and other types of social events, or sometimes I'd just go into town late at night with a friend and do whatever. This year I haven't really done a whole lot of that. For whatever reason for quite awhile I felt pretty exhausted to where I didn't really feel like being around a whole bunch of people. I got invited out quite a few times, and this isn't to say that I haven't been out at all, but after turning down a lot of invites repeatedly I pretty much stopped getting them. I'm not really bothered by it and I understand, I mean I probably wouldn't keep inviting someone if they kept turning it down. The last time I was really out on the town besides grabbing snacks n stuff like that was when I was with Ian and Ben, and to be honest I can't even really remember what we all did.

So yeah, I've fallen out of contact with a lot of people. Laura, Jess, Hayley, Shane, people like that. I think Laura has a boyfriend now, I know Hayley had one at some point this year but they broke up. Jess I'm not really sure about but I haven't seen any photos of her and Paige together, instead she's been with a different girl so I guess she's got a different friend now or something. Me and Shane had actually arranged to see each other again, I think he was meant to come down to Nelson and we had planned to get drunk together but when the day actually came we both never messaged each other. I saw later a photo with him with some kids who were from Christchurch so I take it he never actually came down to Nelson.

So what have I actually been doing with my abundance of spare time? Not a whole lot. I don't even feel depressed about it either, I don't think I've felt lonely or anything like that either. I've kinda enjoyed it really. I watched a bunch of different anime, and now Ian and my other online friends are calling me a weeb. I dunno if I'd call myself one since I've never been like, "Oh fuck yeah I wanna learn Japanese." Or "Yeah I wanna move to Japan." Don't get me wrong there's some cool ass Japanese stuff but I dunno when someone would really be classed as weeb or whatever. I do own a body pillow now though, but you can blame Ian for that since he brought it for me without me even asking for one. It was totally random, like, "Oh hey I brought you a body pillow of Darkness." I'll continue more with this later.

So yeah, some of the animes off the top of my head that I can remember are,
-Samurai Champloo
-Re Zero
-Koboyashis Dragon Maid
-My Hero Academia
-Darling In The Franxx
-Violet Evergarden

Oh man, I'll probably nerd out and write how much I love some of those shows later. I also watched End Of The Fucking World on Netflix, and I really liked that as well.

I've also taken up reading recently and for pretty much about maybe two months now I've managed to read at least once a day even if only a little.

It started off with (and I'm still actually reading the series) the Konosuba light novels. The anime I saw of it I really liked, like a lot. The characters, the world, the humor all of it, so when I found out that it was based on a light novel series I looked it up online and found all of the translations for it, since they're originally in Japanese. Although recently up to volume six has officially been translated and I'm gonna buy all the copies eventually. Volume seven is supposed to come out in December and volume eight early next year. Anyway I love the series. It's still on going and I've finished the up to where they are for the main series, but it's got quite a few spin offs that either serve as backstories for some of the characters or different stories that intertwine with the main series.

The other book I've been reading is one I actually have a physical copy of. I remember seeing it in a store last year and for some reason the synopsis on the back really caught my interest. I'll try my best to explain it without having any real spoilers, it follows two half brothers Digger and Clay, who have been raised in a institute their whole life after them mom was killed, only for them to be kidnapped and taken hostage by a man named Earl who was on death row. Basically Digger who's always had a bit of a violent side to him begins to look up to Earl, while Clay is rightly afraid of him. Digger has slowly been getting darker and darker and has reached the point of no return, while Clay had remained fairly kind hearted. At least as to where I'm up to right now, which is like page 303.

I have another book being delivered right now called American Psyco, there's another two I want to get as well, the two being "No Longer Human" and "Diary Of An Oxygen Theif".

My usual routine has been wake up, have a shower, eat breakfast, watch YouTube for a little, either go read or play. I'll either read some Konosuba first or my book Bad Signs, then I'll play, maybe watch TV and then read the other one depending on what I read before. I've been keeping my reading to a chapter or two a day with Konosuba just because I want to draw it out for as long as I can, and with Bad Signs I'll just read a random amount depending on how I'm feeling. It has a lot of chapters because it shows the difference perspective of a lot of different people, and each time it switches it's a new chapter.

Anyway, I'll then just usually play something with my online friends or I'll play by myself on a different game but I'll still be in the party with my friends. I've mostly been playing For Honor. I wasn't that great at it at first but I've slowly gotten better to where I'm pretty confident in most fights. I'm about rep 19 right now and I main Peacekeeper.

Sometimes I'll play something different like Rainbow Six Siege. I'm not that great at it either, I know I could be a lot better if I actually got into it but I don't find it that fun. I'm a pretty aggressive player and Siege is a lot more about being smart and tactical rather then just relying on pure shooting skill alone. I'll only really play it if my friends hound me to. I've been playing Killing Floor 2 a bit recently since the new update, mostly to try and get Halloween tickets for the Halloween themed cosmetics. I've played CoD and Fortnite a tiny bit recently, but not all that much. I don't really find Fortnite fun anymore. I used to, and I used to be damn good at it as well. But I think, and it'll sound weird, but because of how popular it got it's kinda thrown me off. I'm not like one of those people who dislikes popular things, it's just because of how popular it is I can never get a break from it even when I'm not playing it. Everytime I open Instagram it's always something Fortnite related even though I don't follow any Fortnite related pages or like Fortnite related content. I've started blocking Fortnite accounts just because of how over saturated it is to me. "Fortnite this" "Ninja reacts" shit like that. It's annoying. And this is coming from someone who used to spend hours on it daily and nightly.

Every second Wednesday me and Ian have been going into Countdown to buy a fuck ton of lollies and energy drinks as well, since that's when he gets benefit money on this card he has. It's not the most, er, what's the word.. "just" use of money given to him by the government, but I'm not complaining.

Ian's actually brought me a lot of stuff this year, and I'm really thankful for it. Especially considering I didn't even ask for any of it, for example, last year I mentioned I wanted a flask, well not too long ago Ian came home and was like, "Hey remember you said you wanted a flask? I brought you one here." Shit like that. He got me LED lights as well, which I mentioned ages ago that I wanted. It's not really the thing about him buying stuff that I consider nice, I mean it is, it's really fucking nice, but to me the kind part is that he's just remembering shit that I said ages ago once that I wanted. "It's the thought that counts" isn't that the saying?

Recently he actually brought me a lot of stuff online from a website called Wish, and to me in my head it's starting to make me sound like a gold digger. But I'd say I'm not since he's offering, I've only asked for two things this year, UNO on the PS4 and a figurine of Darkness from Konosuba. UNO was $7 and he said he'd get the figurine for Christmas since it's gonna be like, $100. Anyway! He got me this sorta skull bandana mask thing, it comes with two of them so we're having one each, these little half masks things with different designs on them, two different nendoroid figurines, Aqua from Konosuba and Emilia from Re Zero. As well as two key chains from Kobayashis Dragon Maid, Kanna and Tohru. Again, he offered and after me asking him repeatedly if it was okay, he brought em. So yeah, they're supposed to arrive sometime early next month.

My mom also brought me a few things on there, a ring, bracelet and this weird glow in the dark pot thingy.

Ian's been going to a free course in town this year, since it's apart of his deal with having the benefit. It's for food and hospitality. Basically learning how to cook in a restaurant and be a waiter. You can take the course until you're over 19 I think. There's actually some kids I know who go there, Kaylin and Deveraux. Kaylin used to be friends with Hayley and Deveraux randomly jumped on my leg when I laying in bed with a girl at a party. Since I'm going to be 18 next year and my mom's money to pay for me by the government is gonna get cut off I'll have to get a benefit as well, and you can only get those if you're either working or in school. So I'm gonna probably go to the one Ian's at, unless by some miracle there's a course in my town that somehow deals with psychology, but that's just wishful thinking really.

I wouldn't mind getting a small part time job next year either, Ians been working 2-3 days a week as a kitchen hand at restaurant, although the head chef there now is going to start teaching him how to cook and stuff.

My mom and I have been eh recently, I've found myself getting pretty annoyed at her recently whenever I hear her doing that annoying ass humming. It's gotten to the point where I've kinda changed up my sleep schedule just to see her as least as possible. That's not to say me and her have been totally bad or anything, we were a month or two back where she'd basically tell me to go away whenever I saw her and tried saying hi, but we're okay right now. She had just been getting on my nerves recently is all. Somedays when I wake up, or when she wakes up, she'll either be in a really good mood or a really bad one. And that usually determines if I go to bed pissed off or not, or if I'm moody and annoyed after I wake up.

Oh yeah quick side note, our neighbors ducks have been chilling in our backyard outside my window from time to time. They're cool to look at but sometimes they get really annoying with their quacking.

I also told Ian the other day that my mom has Skizofrenia. I took him out to the beach near by at 5am, sat on a bench and told him my whole story. He was really kind and understanding, he even seemed to make sense of why all those years ago my personality switched from being really friendly and out going to anti social and almost spiteful. Hell he even said he felt bad because he used to complain to me about how hard his life was not knowing what I was dealing with myself. Although I don't really feel bad about it and I wasn't trying to have him feel sorry for me. He said he thought he her talking to herself as well, but he wasn't quite sure. Anyway, I asked him to not treat her any differently and he hasn't so far. As well as to not bring it up again because I don't like talking about it with people.

Also recently, for whatever reason I've also been thinking about what I'd want my girlfriend/wife to be like. This isn't me feeling lonely or like, "I need someone." Because I'm pretty content for now, but it's nice to think about. I'm not really bothered by short or long hair, but I wouldn't really want someone with hella short hair. Like Amber Rose short. I don't really care too much about sex appeal if we're being honest. Hell it'll sound weird, but if someone is really attractive like 10/10 9/10 attractive, I can look at em and go "Yeah they're pretty" or whatever, but I don't actually feel attracted to them. I kinda like average or slightly above average looking people. They gotta be kind. Like that's a must. I'm not saying they can never be moody or whatever, everyone is sometimes, but I want someone who's kind and understanding, someone who will ask n pry about what's bothering me if I look sad. Their hobbies and likes doesn't really matter to me. This might sound weird, especially because whenever I've had sex I've been pretty dominate. Like choking pounding the hell out of them, dominate. But recently I think I've realized that while I've always been dominate and sorta do like it, I wouldn't mind being a lil submissive? Not like, "fuck me in the ass with a strap on" submissive. Jesus no. More like, kiss my neck and whisper in my ear, or whatever. I dunno, that sounds hot to me. Hell, even stuff like making me ask permission to cum sounds hot. I don't know why. It feels weird typing that because with the people I've had sex with they all seemed to like me being aggressive. Like there was with one girl who I was with and I was choking her and she said I was doing it hard, so I stopped and I was like "Oh shit sorry." Only for her to say "No keep going I like it." That caught me off guard. I dunno, myabe I just like both I guess. Which I think is actually probably good because that's just a better more diverse sex life later on for me, I suppose.

Anyway, enough with that. I've also started working out again, since I'm going to be around a bunch of kids my age next year for most days of the week I wanna be pretty strong again. Since I'm shorter then most guys on a few occasions it's led to people thinking I'm an easy target. I don't wanna be buff or anything like that. Just strong enough to hold my own, I wouldn't mind trying to become chilsed or whatever, but just doing a fuck ton of sit ups and push ups ain't gonna cut it. As we as push ups, at least I don't think it will. I dunno. I'm starting off slow to get back into the groove of it. So far I've kept it at doing five sets of ten on each arm by curling, a long with fifty sit ups and push ups. I'll push it to a hundred like I used to do when my body gets used to this again. I'll also start using the pull up bar I have soon too. I was thinking probably next week is when I start really getting back to where I was.

Anyway, I've been typing this on my phone for almost an hour now, so I'm gonna end it here. I dunno if I'll write anymore entires any time soon or if I'll just dip for another few months and come back to write another long entry like this.