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The Life Of "Mars".
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2017-08-14 13:27:45 (UTC)

An Update Of Sorts

Tuesday 15th August, 2017

With all that has happened recently I've been tired and too occupied to write anything. I'll quickly sum up the rest of the last entry and then quickly go over the other recent events.

Me and the girl who I spoke about, Kayla, turned out she liked me. I thought she was pretty too, so for a lot of the party I was laying down on the bed with her laying on my chest. We didn't kiss. We didn't do anything like that. We just sort of laid there and talked. i know I fell asleep with her on me at some point.

She messaged me the next day, we've began talking almost daily. I like my space so while I do like her I try and limit our conversations to around 2 hours per night. I'll usually message her around 8PM, she'll either go to bed at 10 or 11. She's told me a lot about herself, well maybe not a lot, but she's at least shared some personal information.

Her mom and dad are divorced. Her mom has PTSD. Her step dad, Steve, has anger issues. She stays with her aunty in Hira, which is even further out then what Atawhai is, but its in the same direction as well. She has a step brother called Liam, but she thinks of him as an actual brother because they've been together for years and he's always tried to protect her against Steve.

I like Kayla a lot. She's got this really beautiful voice, I like her laugh. She's cute, dresses good. Smells good. Her spelling isn't quite the best, but eh it's fine. I'm probably expecting too much because of how high I achieved in English.

I hung out with her and her friends one day, they kept saying how they "shipped us" and that sort of thing. It kind of made me feel a little uncomfortable. It was like I was in primary school again where everybody cared about your relationship more then you two actually did. It was fun though. Her brother Liam showed up at some point because Laura wanted to meet him. Oh yeah, she broke up with her boyfriend Caleb too. He left pretty fast because he didn't like how another boy, called Courage, was blasting music. I didn't either. She later told me he liked how I dressed though. So I guess that's a win so far.

The other day I was able to briefly meet Shane in Stoke, because he was going to go to the airport to go back to Christchurch. He had been in The Sounds helping his grandparents move house. We caught up, talked a little. I mean we still talked over text regularly but y'know. While I was waiting for Shane this kid asked me if I had a spare ciggie and when I said no sorry and asked if he was too young to smoke he said he was 13. Shit was funny.

Shane's grandmother dropt me back off in town with Shane in the car with me, and it seems she also knew about me and Hayley. Shane was praising me about how I didn't step down when he said he was going to fight me and how I was probably the only guy he'd ever give his blessings to. His grandmother seemed to like me a lot.

I got dropped off in town and went to go meet Kayla and Lillie. We met up, walked for a bit. Started holding hands. Goofing around. It was nice. She's friggin gorgeous. We sat on top of the church steps at night looking over the town with her in my arms. It was, really blissful. I mean it was freezing, but I really felt happy. Scared as well though, in a weird way. We're not dating, not officially at least. I wouldn't really mind having her as my girlfriend though. I think the thing with Hayley fucked me up. I think there's apart of me that is scared to get in a relationship because of the spiraling depression it sent me into after it was over. I mean I'd spend entire days doing nothing but laying in bed and doing nothing. But I still like Kayla a lot. Maybe, she'll be different.

Anyway, at some point Lillie called Leroy and Ethan to come to town. They showed up and they were high, not just on weed but on esctasy too. It was pretty funny watching them. Except by now it was really, really, really cold. Me and Kayla at different points of the night where in Mc Donalds with her around my arm laying sorta next to me.

Lillie, Leroy and Ethan were all cheering us on to kiss. We didn't. I could tell she felt uncomfortable with everybody cheering us on to do it, and I did too. I have no problem with kissing her. I want to. I just want it to be of our own accord. Not something that everybody is cheering on for their own amusement, or whatever.

I talked to her again tonight, I was helping her with some of her problems with her friend. Drama n stuff.

My mom is talking to herself again, I'm probably going to lose it again because it genuinely drives me insane. Still at the same time she's still really nice to me. I love my mom, but hearing her talk to herself makes me furious for some reason, as well as incredibly depressed. I don't think I'll ever tell Kayla any of my problems. So far I think I've been something for her to help get out her problems. She doesn't need to be bothered by mine, I don't like talking about it anyway. Even on here.

Peace, -Mars