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The Life Of "Mars".
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2017-06-02 07:47:07 (UTC)

What We Had

Friday 2nd June, 2017

The White Buffalo - Oh Darling, what have I done
This song doesn't really have anything to do with this entry, I just really like it a lot.

My minds been on Jaime a lot recently, I don't really know why. I guess I miss him y'know? He was my best friend. We both had the same humor about things, and he trusted me a lot. I remember when he told me about how his mom tried to kill herself, and he came to me whenever he was depressed.. which really wasn't often as far as I knew. Jaime had my back, he was almost always a good friend to me. I guess I almost always was too, I tried to do right by him whenever I could. Like when people were considering about kicking him out of our group of friends because they said he was being annoying.

I remember we'd talk about a lot of random shit and it was always funny, and if I were to ever feel the need to go to a friend with a problem, well it would of been him.

We began to fall off a bit more when he started heavily getting into drinking and smoking. He'd gone from somebody who you could say almost the most offensive slurs to and he wouldn't care to snapping at the smallest aggression. I remember we'd be sitting next to each other in maths and he'd have his head down staring in the book and he'd whisper under his breath, "Fuck I need a smoke." I don't know if these things were the direct cause of it all, or if they were more indirect. I don't know.

I regret getting with Hayley. I knew Jaime liked her. Even though he gave me his blessing, it was a shit thing to do. I regret it dearly.

We got into a fight one day, I can't remember what it was over, I remember I was telling him to chill out. Maybe he was intentionally trying to push me over the edge, maybe he got caught up in it and thought it was funny. I don't know. I snapped, regrettably, and said something along the lines of "Oh you're mad because the girl you wanted wants me." Or, something shitty like that. Things weren't the same with me and him after that.

We seemingly got out of the argument a little after that, and I thought we had patched things up. The next morning I woke up to message that was basically a big "Fuck You". We didn't talk at all after that. Not for quite awhile. I didn't hear from him all holidays. Truth be I spent a lot of it depressed over mine and Hayley's break up, which is sort of ironic in a way.

At school I tried to talk to him, more then once actually. Each time he ignored me and even tried his best not to look at me. I can understand that. I just miss him, my friend.

I had a dream about him the other night, it was kind of nice. It was like we were old buddies again, and we were joking and laughing like we used to. Fuck man. I was kind of sad when I woke up because it dawned upon me once more, that we weren't friends anymore. Even now writing this it's sort of painful because I keep remembering things we did together. Like how we would ditch school to go shop at the dairy down the road. Or how we'd play GTA together. How we'd make pretty fucked up jokes about things. I miss that man.

I don't know what he's up to now, I'd ask Ian every so often when I tagged along on his work runs about what he was doing, because I still did well, care. Jaime hadn't really been going to school either, and this term well, apparently he's only been twice. I don't know what he's up to. No one has heard from him it seems, not Tyler, Kruz, Ian or anybody. Tyler told me today that Jaime said he wanted to go and move to Australia and flat there. I kind of wonder why that is, in the three years me and him were friends he never once mentioned a want to live there.

Peace, -Mars