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The Life Of "Mars".
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2017-02-21 06:44:26 (UTC)

World's Apart (Part 2/2)

Tuesday 21st February, 2017

What happened between me and Jess just soon grew into I guess what you would consider a relationship of sorts. Sure, we couldn't really kiss or touch each other but the thought of doing that never really came to me anyway. This all also began, the actual beginning of well a relationship sometime in Year 8, when I was in Intermediate. Mayhem still existed around then too, well it's second stage did at least. The first stage, which a lot of us called "Classical Mayhem" had ended towards the start of Year 7. The second stage was on the more updated version, where there were two new owners of the server. But I digress, we were still on Mayhem together. So our relationship didn't really consist of any pet names of "babe" "baby" etc. We just acted like very good friends who did like each other in "that" way.

We however didn't really see each other too much, usually I'd be awake in the mornings to say a quick hi to her before I'd leave to go to school, and during the holidays I'd usually be up late so that I could speak to her. This is what I our relationship kind of consisted of for the year. Sure, I had friends who were girls back in Year 8. Kirsty, Georgia, Paige, Summer. Admittedly I did have a wee bit of a crush on Summer but ultimately my thoughts were almost always about Jess in that regard. I assume things were similar for her, being the little kids that we were.

A little bit, or a little before, I can't really remember is when the second, and pretty much last stage of Mayhem ended. Most people split up, Beaky had left a little before it ended. I played on a different server with a few friends from school and two friends from Mayhem joined me there occasionally. But largely me and Jess left together, with no one really following us except for another member Bas. But he didn't really stick around.

Before we went to I guess the "main server" together, I had a little break. I didn't really see her for about two weeks. I think I was kind of dealing with the depression from my moms schizophrenia. When we did meet up again on this new server she had a new group of friends. For whatever reason, and she messaged me privately asking for me to call her Mia there. I don't know the whole reason behind why that was. Perhaps because with this new group of people who didn't really know her, she felt that she could then try to reinvent herself as perhaps a more ideal version of herself. At least that's what I kind of think. I was confused but went with it. Our relationship kind of went a little downhill I guess. She had a new group of friends and they were totally different to the ones I was used to in Mayhem in all fairness I didn't really like any of them. I was only there for Jess.

I began taking a lot of her humor (which now after still knowing her for years I've learnt that her humor is just largely sarcastic) in a almost aggressive way, which in turn made me over the slow course of the holidays become more aggressive towards her. It wasn't like we were out right mean to each other or anything, it was more just a series of increasingly more frequent passive aggressive comments.

Then I had my first experiences with jealously. Well jealously with other guys to be precise. All though she wasn't flirty with them or anything, the fact that it appeared to make that she was growing closer to them and further from me hurt.

I can't remember what really broke us off while we still had some small part of a relationship together, we were never together officially and we never broke up officially. But y'know, for us two it was clear things weren't the same.

We started arguing about things, silly things I imagine. They must of been because I can't even remember what they were about. But we argued a lot. Almost every night until it got to the point where sometimes we didn't even acknowledge each other anymore. I'd still be awake to see her in the freezing hours of the late morning in some hopes that maybe we'd patch things up. We didn't.

I got into an argument with one of the owners a little while later and was banned from the server. I deleted Skype and Snapchat (I only really used them to also talk with Jess back then). We still had Enjin but we never really used it.

Year 9 started, we didn't talk for awhile. She was still on my mind from time to time, but they were only really thoughts of wondering how she was doing, among with some feelings of self pity and longing for what we used to have. I think at some point she messaged me a few months later on Enjin, and it took me awhile to respond (I never saw the message). This is how we kind of went for the duration of Year 9 sending about one big message each per month.

Year 10 we talked a little bit more frequently, but it was still similar to Year 9. Odd big messages here and there that took us months to respond to.

I think sometime half way through Year 10 is where my real longing for Jess started. I remember how it happened too. We had an assembly one day and it was basically a speech on how we have a short amount of time on Earth as people. Showing that such and such percentage is spent working, a school, hanging with friends. Etc. But the one that made me kind of click was when they said about the percentage of how much we sleep which I think was actually meant to be a lot. But it wasn't that fact that made me click. It was when they said, "hopefully it can be spent curled up next to someone you love." I don't know why that made me click so much. Maybe because Jess was the only girl up till that point that I had any real intense feelings for. But I remember from that day on, almost every day at least once I would have some type of thought about her. A lot of it was me looking up at the sky and thinking, "I wonder how Jess is doing." She was doing good.

Truth is I missed her, even after all that time. Or maybe not her, but us. The way we were y'know? Perhaps half my feelings were just nostalgia. I don't know.

These feelings soon faded into Year 11, gradually they went away. However a little while later sometime in the year she sends me a message asking if I had Facebook, I didn't really use my Facebook a whole lot back then but I added her and we started talking a bit more. Still not as often as when we did all those years ago, but it was good. It was way more frequent then what we did on Enjin.

I made a new Snapchat during that time too and eventually had her added, so far we've been talking on there every day (even if it's only about 3-6 messages a day because of timezone difference) and as of writing this we've got a 50 day streak.

It's kind of interesting though, I now know we've grown up in two different worlds. That's not even because of the timezone or country difference. She's now attending college, she has a Youtube channel with some pretty successful videos (some have reached 30k views). She's traveled across country. She's got a good relationship with both her parents who are still married. An older brother. Videos of her as a child. Her family is somewhat rich. She's been to concerts and other events. She has a close group of friends. She's an extremely high achieving student.

I, well. I'm in college too I suppose. My Youtube channel is purely for my own fun, but it's best video only has around 700 views. (others range from 200-300 views). I've barely even been outside the south island of New Zealand, little alone out of country. My relationship with my dad is non existent and my mom is well complicated. I'm an only child. I don't have videos of me as a kid, and the photos I have are on a computer that is pretty much broken. My family is poor. The last event like a circus or a concert that I went to was back in primary school. My group of friends is weird and falling apart. We're both somewhat high achieving students but I'm sure she's smarter then me.

This is what I meant when I say that we're worlds apart, we've come from totally different backgrounds. I'd like to think that I'll keep in contact with Jess forever, but I know that's probably not going to happen. Still, who knows? She's been my longest standing friend so far really. Even if it is somebody on the otherside of the world.

Jess, you'll never read this probably. But you do mean a lot to me, and I'm thankful that all those years ago on one day, on one server out of thousands, in a time that we probably might not of ever seen each other otherwise. I'm thankful and glad that I met you.

Peace, -Mars