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The Life Of "Mars".
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2017-01-27 09:45:26 (UTC)

Contemplations

Friday 27th January, 2017

I'm starting school again very shortly, pretty sure I go back on the 3rd of February. I'm not totally looking forward to that, I mean it's school after all. On the brighter side this year I had absolute freedom on my subjects, as maths and science are no longer mandatory. English still is but I would of chose that as a subject anyway because I like it.

Shane was set to move to Christchurch on Monday, and he's still going through with that. He's got it all planned. But now, and this shouldn't be bothering me as much as it is but Hayley and the rest of her family are moving there as well. They're not moving on Monday, no they're not even quite sure on exactly when they'll be moving. But they're going to be out of Nelson soon. Tomorrow, they'll be out of Atawhai and living in Stoke with their grandma and the second they find an affordable place in Christchurch they're gone.

I suppose in a way this can be seen as a blessing, right? I mean she'll be in a whole new city so I shouldn't even have to worry about her, but then again... I already missed her as the girl who I used to be so infatuated with, now I'll end up missing her as my friend and the girl who planned my first birthday party.

I don't want her to leave in all honesty. Because then I suppose I have to fully give up on every subconscious idea that I know has been sitting at the back of my mind hoping that we may just find our way back together as more then what we are now. Which is healthy I guess, but I don't want it. I say subconscious because according to Ian, when I got drunk on Christmas Eve I was talking about Hayley a lot, talking about how I missed her. I don't remember any of those words coming from my mouth that night, but it makes me wonder.

I had an idea which in all honesty is probably a very bad idea, a bad idea that I've been contemplating for the past few days, but I thought about getting pissed drunk one night and just calling her and telling her everything I felt. I mean if it backlashed I could just say I was drunk in my defense and that I didn't remember any of it because in all fairness I probably wouldn't remember it. But what would be the point? She's leaving to a whole new city which means a relationship between us two wouldn't work out. God.

I'm going to miss Shane too. To me Shane was someone who I could actually have serious deep meaningful conversations with which is something I struggle to have with a lot of my friends because in all fairness they're somewhat immature so things like that don't interest them. Me and Shane had a lot of the same outlooks and ideology on life, as well as similar music tastes and interests. He was somebody who was a lot of fun to be around and actually did try and hang out with me a few times.

Y'know who else is leaving for Christchurch? Callum. I don't think I'll miss him as much as Shane seeing as me and him weren't particularly close. But still.

I've seen that Hayley and Shane are also talking to their dad again, seeing as Shane is going to live with his dad in Christchurch until his family gets there. I saw a few brief messages between him and Hayley and I dislike him even more now. I can even tell she feels kind of confortable talking to him. After all the fucking abuse he put her, Shane, her mom and everybody else through. After he finally talks to his kids he talks to them in a rude cunty manor. Fuck that guy. I saw some shit where it pretty much looked like he was taking his aggression out on Hayley over text over some trouble with money.

I hate the thought that her, Carly (their mom) Sam (their sister) Ruby (their niece) Gerogie (younger sister) Shane (older brother) might be put in danger again because of that physco cunt. I'd smack the bastard myself if I could. I guess it's different now, Shane has gotten really strong for his age because of cadets and other forms of training, he's not a little kid anymore and I know that he would protect his family even against his own dad.

Peace, -Mars