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The Life Of "Mars".
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2017-01-12 00:51:53 (UTC)

Shane, X, The Universe, and Anime...

Thursday 12th January, 2017

The other day I was talking with Shane, and apparently, he's supposed to be leaving Nelson. I'm not entirely sure for his reasons on wanting to leave, he was pretty indirect about it. He said that he couldn't stand the things in this town, but he never really said what those things were. If he actually does leave he'll be going to stay with his dad, who just got out of prison, in Christchurch. One reason which he did state is because his girlfriend, who I guess he cared a lot about, left him.

This is all kind of interesting because it makes me think, the way that Shane presents himself sometimes is also as this hard, violent kid. I mean I know he's violent, I've heard the stories from his mom and Hayley about how he's beaten the absolute shit out of people in the past. But now underneath all that I kind of realize that there is a sweet kid who feels sad and stressed. I mean I know he had a rough life as a kid through things that Hayley told me, about how his dad used to beat her and him.

It kind of makes me think, and almost sympathetic to other kids who I know who are well dicks. You never really know what somebody is going through or has been through. Like Hayley, when I first saw her at the bus stop I just saw her as some quiet girl minding her own business. Never ever would I of imagined the trauma that she went through as a kid.

I kept talking with Shane and he said that I was a good friend, if he does decide to leave he said he might have a going away party and that I'm welcome to come if I want to. Or we can just hang out at the park. He's supposed to be leaving in three weeks.

In other news, as I write this, I saw a post from XXXTENTACION. It seemed basically like a suicide note on his Twitter. I have a lot of faith, and maybe it's just flat of denial, but hope that he won't go through with it. I legitimately really like the guy not just for his music but for who he is as a person as well as his ideals. I really do hope this doesn't turn into something like with Capital Steez, where he actually committed suicide right after tweeting "The End". Fuck man. He can't kill himself. I mean he's getting so popular. His music has been blowing up, his fan base has been growing at an insane rate, and he's even supposed to work with bigger musicians then himself such as Ugly God or Suicide Boys. I hope Adam, his manager, or Ski, his long time friend, pull him out of the dark abyss he finds himself in right now and puts him back into light where he belongs.

Life otherwise for me as been kinda bland. I've been feeling pretty tired and unmotivated to do many things or to even go out. I think a part of that is because of how fucking hot it is here right now. It's getting to the point where I can't even fall asleep properly because of the heat. I've been reading a bit, and I'm still kind of keeping up with my weights. In fact I brought a heavier set yesterday so that should hopefully arrive in the mail soon.

I've also been doing some well, thinking. I've been thinking about what our purpose is on Earth, in the universe. I mean sure you could ultimately say "To reproduce to further expand the population and further your bloodline." or "To reproduce to ensure the human race continues to exist." But, why? Like what is our point, do we simply exist? I don't believe in God either, so finding a whole purpose becomes even more difficult for me. I mean, we're all going to die one day. My mom, my friends, my teachers, they're all going to die one day. And that's okay, I've accepted that and I have no denial what so ever that that's going to happen. But like why y'know, do we just exist and then die? I'm not scared of death, that's not to say I want to die either if I had a choice to live or die I'd likely choose to live, if I had to fight for my life I would, but just fading from life as we know it doesn't really bother me all that much.

That makes me think about the universe too. Why doe's it even exist. In all fairness the universe itself should be impossible, yet here it is. We don't really even know for sure if it has an end or not. I mean everythings gotta have a start and an end, right? Then again the universe already goes against many rules of reality we've made, so I don't see why it couldn't somehow break a few more. Oh well.

Another thing I'd like to talk about is well - hate. Sorta. Fall from grace hate. The type you see in TV shows. For example, anime. I'm not some hardcore anime watcher in fact I watch hardly at all. But there is some that I have indulged in. Usually if I can't find some connection within the first few episodes I quit. So if somebody is reading and they care about spoilers for the following,
-Mirai Nikki
-Attack On Titan
-Tokyo Ghoul

Right. So what I meant is a lot of these characters who I'm going to be talking about usually start of pretty innocent and sweet. Oblivious to any feelings of well, intense suffering or pain.

In Mirai Nikki, I'm going to focus on Yukiteru Amano, or 'Yuki" for short. Yuki right from the start and for much of the show is seen as well, a bit of a pussy. He cries, he whines. He doesn't want hurt or kill anybody, despite the fact that he is being forced into a survival game where in order to survive you MUST eventually kill somebody else, as there can only be one winner to the game. However after his mothers, and soon fathers death, where he is forced to kill three assailants who attack him it seems like he almost has an awakening to how things are. From here we see Yuki launch brutal attacks alongside another player of the survival game, Yuno, in order to win. This even meant that Yuki was soon responsible for the deaths of innocent civilians. He even set up some of the other player contestants who he had temporarily formed an alliance with. But this isn't quite the hate I was talking about, in fact in some ways Mirai Nikki shouldn't even fall under the category in which I'm talking about. Still. Rather it is a fall from grace, and a complete emotional denial. Later when he is confronted by three of his friends who knew, but were not participating in the survival game. They tell him that even when you're a god (because the winner of the game became god, as the previous one was dying) that you couldn't bring people back from the dead. In complete denial, he shoots the first friend when she keeps yelling at him telling him that they can't come back. That "Once you're dead you're dead." He then says to himself, like he is trying to convince himself that what he heard isn't true that, "No, I'm going to bring everybody back." When the second friend starts yelling at him, calling him a coward who is too scared to face facts, as she begins to throw a rock at Yuki she is shot by him. This is all while a slow melody is played, kind of reflecting Yukis psyche further breaking as he kills his friends. Lastly, his last remaining friend punches him and then grabs him by the shirt telling him that he is just another bad guy who kills his friends whenever he pleases, so he doesn't deserve to cry (he's crying as he's killing them)

That's about it for Mirai Nikki.

While I'm still watching Attack On Titan and I'm only up to about episode 11 season 1, I think so far it's be an excellently crafted show. The raw emotion showing fear, sadness while the human race is slowly being killed off. Eren Yeager, the main character, shows an immense amount of hatred towards the Titans for not only keeping him and his race inside of a giant fortress for protection, but also for the fact that they're the reason his mother died. As one of them ate her, right in front of him.

Tokyo Ghoul is an interesting one, because while Kaneki does indeed have his fall from grace and even loses his sanity for a period of time, he ultimately still remains a good guy loyal to his friends. His ultimate fall from grace isn't even seen in the first season really. He was similar to Yuki from Mirai Nikki. He didn't want to kill anybody or hurt anyone even to the point where he began crying, as well as sparing someone he could of easily finished off after that person tried to kill him. However, after Kaneki was relentlessly tortured at the end of season one he lost it. He began going insane and even picked up his torturers habit of cracking his fingers. He no longer had any problems killing anybody what so ever, and rather then being an emotional child like he once was, be that being sad or angry, he maintained a calm emotionless exterior for most of season two. We can only see what happens when season 3 is put out.

Lastly, I'll talk about Naruto. Naruto Shippuden to be precise. Now there's so many characters who have had this fall from grace, this hate. There's Sasuke, Pain (Nagato), Obito... I think Obito's is the most interesting so I will focus on him for now, and perhaps come back to the others for a different time. Obito, who also went by the alias "Tobi" and even Madara Uchia, his former master. After seeing Kakashi, who was his friend and teammate, kill Rin, the girl he asked Kakashi to protect, as he loved her and she was also on the team with him and Kakashi, he lost himself in a fit of rage. The former boy who wanted to just be with his friends and live life happily was consumed by darkness and hatred as he began to kill the enemy ninja who were also attacking Kakashi and Rin. He slaughtered every single one of them, despite them having massive numbers. From the trauma, he along with Kakashi (who passes out after he obtains the new power) Obito gains a new power. Except he doesn't pass out from it. He then holds Rin's dead body, and says that he is truly in hell. From there on he is set on making a new world where Rin would be alive again through the power of the tailed beasts. What I find interesting is that Obito later stated multiple times that he feels he doesn't need a real name or identity. That nothing besides from creating the new world means anything to him, as it won't matter in the new world that he aims to create. However, he is shown later in a flashback watching Kakashi visit Obitos grave (as he was presumed dead). Kakashi places flowers on his grave, but later after he leaves in a weird fit of rage Obitio tears the flowers out that Kakshi had left for him. He no longer cared about the world, or even about Kakshi why would he secrectly watch him and get mad over the flowers. I just thought that was intersting.

I'm ramabled on for way too long so I'm going to end things here.

Peace, -Mars