m88 lừa đảo_slot trực tuyến_choi thu casino truc tuyen

The Life Of "Mars".
To bottom ↓
To top ↑
RSS subscribe

Đánh bạc miễn phí 2019 www.bestdistortionpedal.com tip jar

Ad 2:

2016-12-22 00:02:26 (UTC)

Thoughts and Rambling: Recent Events (December 2016)

Thursday 22nd December, 2016

I guess December has been a bit weird really, and there's a few reasons on why I guess it's weird.

These last few days I've been pondering over the future, it scares me a little bit but at the same time I also find it pretty exciting. I mean next I'll be able to go for my learners licence. I'll be taking Level Two NCEA at school as a year 12... But then there are other things. Jaime was my best friend for three years, almost four, and I guess we ended on bad terms. I don't think he's going to the same school as me next year, but without him there or not it's like, will I just become best friends with somebody else? That was my bro. We had the exact same humor, liked the same thing, same music. We were both into games, but also into weights at the same time. He liked drinking, I like drinking now, without him next year will be - well, I don't even know really.

I'm not at all really excited for Christmas, I mean I know I'm not getting anything. Once I started growing older and got into college I stopped really caring about Christmas or even my own birthday. Getting presents or whatever didn't really seem all that important anymore. Now I'm just happy to get a sum of money or whatever around the Christmas period. I'm pretty sure in the past for my birthday and Christmas I just slept through the day. Which is weird, because when I was a little kid Christmas was this magical time of year where everything was so amazing and I wouldn't be able to fall asleep at night. Now it's just meh. But I don't really mind, maybe it's just growing up? Me and Ian might go drinking at his on Christmas so if anything that might be something to look forward to.

So I suppose I should also discuss things that have happened in the past few days. Well first of all, Hayley and Brodie broke up. Yep, that didn't last long at all. Two weeks I think. She came to me with advice and I truly did give her my honest opinion on the matter. They argued because Brodie kept hanging out with different girls I guess and was like cuddling em. Then they went off at each other where they were basically talking in all caps like they were yelling. So they broke up, yeaaah. Also she told me it probably wouldn't of worked out too well anyway since Shane, her over protective brother, said he looked like a "fuckboi".

I'm not gonna lie, there was a part of me that was almost happy about it. I mean like, ugh I don't know. I still really do care about her, and if being in a relationship with him would of made her happier then what I could of done then so be it, but I mean me and her knew each other for way longer and they didn't know each other nearly as long, and it looked like they had already been arguing badly a lot from the screenshots she showed me. But yeah, I still have feelings for her, I do sadly eugh. But at the same time, I don't know if I would ever want to have a thing with her again or date her, but at the same time I might. So that's a pretty fucked situation.

But otherwise I guess we've sorta been talking a little bit. She's at her nanas right now with her family so she's barely even online anyway. I think she's coming back to Atawhai today.

I actually had a dream last night and she was in it, I can't remember the details but for some reason we were sitting on a road and she was crying... why was she crying? Why did I dream of her crying? That was really fucking weird.

Me and Ian hung out last night, around 7PM we met up and I walked around Atawhai with him while he delivered his papers. That usually takes around maybe an hour since we're walking and it is a lot of houses to cover especially since you have to walk up and down some hills here. I also brought two cans of beer so we drunk that whilst walking and some people driving by did kinda eye us out which was actually pretty funny. While walking we caught up on what he had been doing, he had broke up with his girlfriend, I told him the whole situation with Hayley, we talked about games, school, plans for the holidays and other things. It was pretty chill.

We went off and hung at the park for quite awhile, for around an hour I think and by that point it was around 8-9PM? Something like that. We just chilled there, fucked around and talked about life. We then walked around Atahwai chilling at some of the different areas again just fucking around. There was this dog that we saw. Some people smoking. We stole a cone off the road and fucked around with that. We also went into behind this restricted area and like broke off these poles they had and then took cause - well I don't even know for fun I guess.

Anyway we went home around 11:30PM.

I'm still really missing Hayley like a lot, and it's weird because even though we still talk I miss her. Well we haven't talked today. But what I mean is the old us, in some ways she makes me depressed. I love her voice. But at the same time I hate it, just because of the way it makes me feel.

I guess in some way she doesn't trust me anymore, or she doesn't trust me in the same way at least that's for sure. You see, all that time ago when she cut herself and was going to keep on going I told her brother Shane, just so he could stop her. Because I hated the idea alone that she did something like that to herself, and then knowing that she was actually doing it... So I told him, and I guess he stopped her. And for awhile afterwards she even seemed almost happy that I had done that, she said something like it showed that I cared or whatever. She said that her mom, brother, and other family members actually liked me for doing that. But now, now whenever she has a problem that's kind of serious she says "I'm kind of afraid to tell you because I'm worried you'll tell Shane." so I guess she doesn't really trust me that much anymore... Ahh..

I wonder, what will become of us two?

Today was kind of shit too, I don't know why but I was just feeling kind of down. I was feeling tired as well. I haven't talked to Hayley all day. She pretty much always texts first, and she hasn't today so I don't know if it would be a good idea y'know? Like maybe she doesn't wanna talk then.

Another reason why is well, my mom's Schizophrenia got kind of bad today. Recently I guess I've seen her having signs of it, like she randomly will hum to herself and I've picked up that's a sign. But today I heard her flat out talking to herself. And then when she was vacuuming the house she was just straight out yelling to herself about well, I don't even want to know. I don't know, that made me sad and strangely, angry? I don't know. But it's been raining all day, I've been stuck inside already feeling pretty bad and then that happened. So yeah.

Peace, -Mars