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The Life Of "Mars".
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2016-12-14 11:46:42 (UTC)

Time Warp

Wednesday 14th December, 2016

Today was kind of weird, you see when you have such a lack of sleep when your sleep clock is usually always already out of what might be considered a normal sleep clock, your idea of time gets kinda messed up. Or at least in my case it does. You start getting confused if it's Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. You don't always know if you've waken up around 8PM or 8AM. This has been a problem I've had since well my start of college I guess.

I ended up staying up all night again last night and went to bed around 10:30PM. However since I had a dentists appointment around mid 4PM I couldn't really sleep for too long. I got woken up sometime around 3PM and I'm pretty sure I almost fell asleep in the shower because I staggered forwards a few times when I shut my eyes for too long. But I found myself somewhat awake by the time I had gotten out of the shower.

When we got to the dentists my dentist said my teeth were in relatively good condition, and we basically did the whole standard procedure that they do. The only thing that was out of the norm is that I got my teeth x-rayed. I don't know for what reason but hey, whatever right?

I thought I'd try to maybe go back to sleep once I got home because I was still sort of tired. But as soon as I checked my phone I saw some of my online friends telling me to get online. So I did. I also saw Hayley had messaged me something but I didn't really bother opening it.

We did some cringy car meet on GTA with a full lobby of about 30 people. I'm really not a car person in general, little alone on a video game. So the whole thing kinda bored me. I'm not really into vehicles too much in general but if I guess I like bikes the most out of anything. Sports bikes. Not choppers, not dirt bikes. Sports bikes. But this being GTA there was some cunts who tried to ruin other peoples fun. I'm not judging though I mean I would of done the same too if my friends weren't trying to enjoy it. So some dude tried blowing peoples shit up, so I killed him, over and over again because I'm actually a try hard fucking nerd at this gave to the point where I've played in tournaments for money. So I'm killing this guy and I hear him on the mic and he's like "oi I'm gonna DDoS you if you don't stop." For those of you who don't know what DDoSing is it's essentially where you crash somebodies internet. I think you do it by spamming shit to their IP. But of course I didn't take it seriously, so I kept going until he left. We all got off eventually.

So a bit later after switching up between Skyrim and TV and browsing through Instagram I found myself to be well, pretty bored. See this is the problem with staying up late. While I do like solitude to some extent, the rest of the world is asleep really. Or at least most of New Zealand are. The people who I'm friends with are. So I'm kind of left by myself. This isn't always a problem I mean I sometimes feel like I'm at my most productive when it's late, but tonight, as well as the last few nights well I almost find myself becoming kind of depressed. I don't know why. I guess I start thinking a lot about things and I get far too philosophical for my own good. I can't always play with my online friends either because the large majority of them are from the U.S, and I think we're about 15 hours ahead of them. So a lot of them are usually asleep too because it then becomes 2-6AM for them while I'm awake, and by the time when they are awake it's when I start drifting off. So yeah.

At some point around maybe 10PM Hayley randomly called me. I stared at the ringing photo for a few seconds, contemplating on if I should pick up or if I should just let it keep ringing and act like I'm not there. I decided to pick it up, but then say that she woke me up and that I was asleep. Which was a good lie too I guess since I did say I had been up all night to her yesterday in the morning and that I had an appointment at 4PM. As well as I hadn't been on Facebook either so it said "last active 5 hours ago" for me or something like that. So the lie fit perfectly I guess. And she's like "oh shit sorry want me to let you sleep?" and I said "yeah sorry I'll speak to you later." Truth is I wasn't asleep of course, I was tired sure so my sleepy voice was genuine. I dunno, I just didn't feel like talking today. I was tired yeah, but I mean in the pass if she wanted to call me no matter what even if I was sleeping I would of gladly stayed om. But eh, that's over between us.

So now I'm in my bed and it's 1:11AM. Y'know there's been a feeling in my chest that feels like my stomach dropping at 11:11. Because that, and I guess it's a thing that some other couples do which makes it kinda cringy, but ah, I dunno, that time of night always seemed special to me. Now that me and her ain't like that no more, it just feels well weird.

She's also moving next year in February out of the area that I live in, so at least there won't be this whole awkwardness at the bus stop. I'm sure we'll maybe remain friends to some degree I guess, but I'm also sure that eventually, in due time we'll float away into strangers. Every little secret we knew about each other. The laughter. The anger. The passion. The hate. It will all eventually disappear until we are nothing more. It'll get to the stage I guess where if we did see each other, we'd either look away or just do some quick smile. That's, that's kind of sad. Because I remember back when we had well, a thing, she was afraid that would happen between us. And I said that I would never let it happen. My, how things change.

Peace, -Mars