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The Life Of "Mars".
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2016-12-04 08:29:35 (UTC)

Lesson Be Learnt, I Guess

Sunday 4th December, 2016

Something I guess I've now learned after past experiences, and now day, is if a boy or girl says somebody is "just a friend", they're probably a bit more then that.

Hayley messaged me today saying, "I'm single again." I was pretty confused at first, so I asked her what she meant by that. She then said that she got a boyfriend but Shaina, one of her friends, ruined it. I don't know if she told me that thinking I'd try to comfort her or whatever but I said something like, "Wait what, you had a boyfriend?" She said that she got pressured to. But I wasn't having it.

"That hurt. Just. Damn. Wow." was my response. She said sorry and I then went off at her. This was all on Snapchat but I saved the chatlog.

"... I don't even know what to say anymore tbh. I wanted to wait and try and work through this bs, and I thought maybe that you did too. But instead, you got a boyfriend not so soon after we argured. Let me guess too, it was Brodie, huh. OK. I see. Kinda feel played now, but that's cool. I care about you so much but this... THIS. Hurts me. A lot."

Y'know what she said?
"And you hurt me a lot "Mars" I'm over your shit." Wait what. How the fuck did I hurt her that much? I literally teased her over her falling over and laughed and she lost her shit.

I then said, and at this point I was legitimately pissed off.

"I MADE FUN OF YOU AS A JOKE. Okay yeah and I apologized. I forgot how sensitive you can be. But you literally then wanted to end it all. What? Because we fucking argued once. Hayley you fucking told me that you would always want to work things out no matter how many times we fought. You told me that you loved me. WHAT? Was that you just passing the time? DO YOU HONESTLY FUCKING THINK THAT'S A WORD THAT YOU CAN LIGHTLY THROW AROUND WITH ANY OLD FUCKING GUY?! I'm seriously actually pissed off. I've tried my best to be sympathetic towards you. I've tried putting myself in your shoes. But no. Nooo. While I was off beating myself up about it every day and night. While I was writing these little fucked up pieces of writing about you. You were off talking to some other guy, who you ended up dating. Did I really mean fuck all to you? That you can go from saying that you love me, that you say all these things, then drop me, block me and then ignore me like I was never anything to you. What?! Over something so fucking dumb. Like Christ Hayley. I'm honestly fucking reaching my limit here. Fucking Christ. Kill me."

She just responded with, "Ight" and a laughing and wink emoji.

I said, "Yeah I'm pretty much done Hayley. Have fun with Brodie."

She then posted moments later on her Snapchat story something about her getting back together with Brodie, and love hearts. I think the love hearts were to just spite me. So whatever. I'm done. This hurts me like crazy but I'm done. No more.

She doesn't give a fuck about me no more. So I guess I've gotta try and not give a fuck about her.

This fucks me up a whole lot more. Two girls who I cared about in the past replaced me with guys, now Hayley too. I fucking knew finding a actual relationship would be too good to be true. Fucking hell fuck. This fucks my whole insecurity about other dudes up too. I'm really not gonna be able to trust another girl and her guy friends in the future. Nah. I'm dead now. Time to be numb to it all.

However, I was lucky enough to have an extremely good friend of mine who helped me with this and tried her best to cheer me up. I mean I'm still sad, really, really, really sad. But without her, if she didn't try and cheer me up, well I'd be a lot worse off then what I am right now. Honestly I'm so glad to have such a good internet buddy. Thanks, Brandi.

Save me, -Mars.