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The Life Of "Mars".
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2016-11-29 01:05:14 (UTC)

Joyful, tired and wishful

Tuesday 29th November, 2016

I still haven't really talked to Hayley, we talked like once briefly on Snapchat and that was about it. I still really miss her, like a lot. I know she's staying at Laura's house for like three weeks because she's legitimately getting stressed out, even at home. I wish I was able to help her somehow, but I kinda feel like I'm just a hindrance to her right now.

Last night I decided to work on a video for Youtube, since I was kinda bored. I dunno what it is, but I really like making videos for fun. I've got a small Youtube channel which has like 240 subscribers. It's not much I know, but I do get around 200 views per video. I don't really take it seriously either nor do I plan to actually try to take it anywhere. I just find videos fun to make, they're like an art form to me. Like how some people find painting or drawing or even building as their art form.

I feel pretty happy for the most part for today, I had a small test that I had almost completely forgot about as well as this other project for the same class that I had to do. I studied back and forth pretty much since 5am this morning until I arrived at school, which was around nine. Well anyway I aced it. The test and the assignment all together was worth 23 credits. So I know I have over 80 credits now, which I needed to pass. This now means I don't really have to even worry if I passed those exams or not, I mean I want to of passed but it doesn't affect me too much if I didn't. It's also kind of taken away my ambition to even study for classics. I mean there's no real point anymore if you ask me.

Me and Te Maunga were supposed to hang out today, but we never set a exact time. Just "early on". He didn't wake up until about 1PM and I was gone by then.

I was gonna try and hang out with my friend Kahlos (who was now back in town for awhile) and we were supposed to meet at the dairy next to girls college. I waited for about 15 minutes before I decided to leave and use the wifi and Burger King to text my mom to pick me up. Only then did I see a last minute message from Kahlos saying he couldn't go because his mom needed him. I also lost my $10 somewhere along the walk, but at Burger King when my mom showed up she gave me $5 to buy some food. So yeah.

I'm still missing Hayley like crazy, fuckin hell. It's still weird not waking up to her. I'm still hoping that we're maybe one day gonna get through this, but I mean, does she even want to? Ah, I dunno. I mean when we still had, well "a thing", she would of tried coming to me with pretty much every problem. I mean everything. Now that we don't, or we do but it's weird right now, she's kinda just blocked me out. I'm unable to help. I get it, her emotions, mine, it's all adding to the stress so maybe it's better we don't talk for her sake until she recovers. But still, I miss her.

Today I was thinking about Laine and Eve. They were the two different teachers I had in Intermediate. Laine in year 7 and Eve in year 8. To me I feel they both really helpt me strive with my English. I mean ever since then I've been a high achiever for English. I used to write poems in year 8 and Eve would always praise me for them. I've never been too good with grammar or spelling, and I've got a pretty bad habit of putting too many commas in places where they probably shouldn't be, but I dunno. When I write, like I'm writing now, I like to imagine that it's like I'm actually talking. And I guess in my real life speech when I'm trying to be somewhat formal or serious I'll use a lot of commas in my speech. If that makes any sense. Anyway those have never really been my strong points. My strong points have been detail, describing things, creative writing and structured ideas. That sorta thaaannng.

Y'know something that I kinda wanna do is drop in and check on my old primary school and maybe talk to some of my old primary school teachers. I just wonder though if I would get mistaken for a kid there hah. Probably not but just the idea of it freaks me out. I looked at their school website a few weeks back and saw that there's only like three teachers there left who I even knew back then, and surprisingly they're all ones who taught me.

Peace, -Mars