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2015-12-05 00:14:55 (UTC)

I'm so bored at work so I will write..

I'm so bored at work so I will write here. Curious how I still remember my account on this site. I have about only four, five entries in here for the past four years! And to think about things-- myriads of things, changes too important and transformative which had passed, unaccounted, never to be recorded in writing. And yet for all the earth as it spins, to accept it so.

Dinner with E. and M. last night. We walked all the way to the Thai restaurant in Hillcrest. 'I love the neon lights,' said E., like a child in a toy store. I was cold. I hugged myself so tightly, arms wound about my chest, for I only wore a sweatshirt over a t-shirt. E.'s staph infection still looked unbecoming. M. asked of my living situation at my new place. 'I love it,' I told him. Then he asked if I wanted to rent the room he is currently in. For he is going to Thailand and other trips next year, and might be gone for half the year. 'I'm so old,' he said. He strikes me as someone who is very much dissatisfied about his age, and only feels good when in Asia with them Thai boys. E. on the other hand has been implying of us getting back together, to which I said no. 'I like my independence,' I told him. And the truth is, though I still care very deeply for him as a friend, and still love him--- yet even the thought of being in a relationship with him exhausts me. His volatile temper, his depressive mood, his lack of insight, his rudeness, to name a few.

My new boots arrived in the mail last night. I wore it just as soon as I opened the box, and tried them on our walk to the restaurant. They hurt, though I did not tell anyone. Only that I unstrapped it and took it off under the table at the restaurant. E. is detoxing off Xanax, going off cold turkey after having taken one a day for the past five weeks. He blames his doctor for his subscription of sixty pills. I don't know how many he had left but from his statement he told us that he flushed them all in the toilet after crushing and dissolving them in water. Anyway, I am to meet him later for December Nights in Balboa Park.